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9 September 2007

Suburban conspiracy theory

I live in the south of Fort Collins. This area is apparently called SoPro by some of the locals, as it's south of Prospect Rd. This area has a different character to Old Town Fort Collins in the north; it's an endless stretch of strip malls and big-box stores. I cannot walk around this part of town without humming the tune to (Nothing But) Flowers by Talking Heads to myself:


Once there were parking lots
Now it's a peaceful oasis
This was a Pizza Hut
Now it's all covered with daisies
I miss the honky tonks
Dairy Queens and 7-Elevens
And as things fell apart
Nobody paid much attention

Some of the residential streets look like Agrestic a la Weeds. All taken, it pretty much represents a generic kind of suburban sprawl. It's comforting, somehow. But somebody at town planning must have had a sense of humour. There's a street - very close to where I live - called John F. Kennedy Parkway (or JFK Pkwy for short). It's a busy street, home to banks, supermarkets and the post office. Several other streets in this college town are named after famous universities, like Stanford, Cornell, Princeton, Oxford, Rutgers, Monroe, Columbia, Yale, Pitkin, Cambridge, Baylor and many others. Right where I catch the number 1 bus to campus is the intersection between JFK and Monroe.

So, although Monroe Ave. is obviously named after Monroe College in New York state (itself named after U.S. president James Monroe)... you kind of have to wonder. It's just too beautiful a coincidence. Could they have snuck a secret reference to Marylin Monroe in there? While waiting for the bus one day, this is exactly what went through my mind. A nice little conspiracy theory, all my own, which I now share with you. I haven't yet figured out exactly what the conspiracy is, though. Maybe you could come up with some suggestions?

3 comments:

Wendy said...

Kennedy on top of Monroe -- I love it! I doubt they had conspiracy in mind. I don't think Kennedy ever admitted ever having 'relations with that woman'. I wonder if there is a corner of Clinton and Lewisnky anywhere?

wreckless said...

Is any thing Chappaquidic (sp?)around there?

I don't know about your consipiracy, but I have one for you. In the mining town of Champion, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, the towns streets are aabd, cadb, ddbc, acdb, dceb, and a maybe twenty more just like that. When I drove around, I kept looking for some candid camera guy. I couldn't believe it.

The Electric Orchid Hunter said...

Wendy: always such naughty thoughts, tsk tsk! Funny thing, the first hit on Google Maps you get when typing in Lewinsky Rd. is for the Watergate Hotel in Washington. Again, I ask you: coincidence?

Wreckless: Chappa-whatsit? I don't know what that means. And what's up with Champion? I checked it out on Google Maps, folks, he ain't lying! I can't decide whether it's a lack of imagination or a stroke of genius.