Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?

On Saturday afternoons in the summers of the 1980s, we'd excitedly enter the Dial-A-Movie, still dripping pool water from our swimsuits. Here was a whole world of choice, a rental store with seemingly every movie ever made displayed on its shelves. What to choose, what to choose. Arguments would ensue - the youngest of the bunch would want to get Pinocchio (again) and the older kids wouldn't want to rent things from the Disney shelf at all, or anything else that's animated, for that matter. While the rest of the gang was debating the merits of Summer School versus Spaceballs, I would notice the poor guy standing in front of the Betamax shelf. That's right - just the one shelf, with its meagre selection of titles. I would wonder why they weren't afforded the same cinematic cornucopia as we VHS people. Back then, videotape was videotape to me. Why would they choose a Betamax tape? Why not simply take a VHS tape home? I had no idea that the machines they had at home would be different, that the tape wouldn't fit. With no concept of incompatibility issues, I was therefore even more unaware of the vicious format war between Sony's slightly superior Betamax and JVC's almost ubiquitous Video Home System. Today, I'm more aware of these things. Primarily because history repeats itself.

You knew it was coming, but you couldn't wait, could you? Now you're stuck with an HD-DVD player that has become obsolete within less than a year of purchase, as well as a shelf sagging under buyer's remorse, instead the weight of all those movies. Sony must be pleased: their format has finally won. With all the major retailers exclusively carrying Blu-ray discs, and the movie studios following suit, the future looks blue for Toshiba and its HD-DVD format. In fact, Toshiba has announced that it would cease production of HD-DVD players entirely. Blu-ray has become the de rigeur sexy upgrade from DVD (or VHS, if you've spent the first part of this century on some desert island). And that's the thing: there will always be format wars, winners, upgrades, disappointments, triumphs, technology. No matter how much the 21st century is moving towards doing everything digitally and downloading your music and movies as zeros and ones from some anonymous entertainment server, people still love gadgets. You cannot wrap a download and put it under the Christmas tree. Well, you can probably wrap a download gift card, but that's just not the same; it's the gift that shows you cared enough to do the very least... And for the afficionados, the quality of downloads is still miles behind. Audiophiles wouldn't dream of polluting their ears with 128kbps MP3s, exclaiming, "There are so many gaps, the loss of information from the sound is a crime. I'd rather listen to something authentic." And then return to their scratchy 78s, implausibly. Personally, I love new technology, the fruit of format wars. I love my collection of Super Audio CDs, for example, another Sony brainchild that makes DVD-Audio sound like 8-track tape. Although, the SACD format has been slightly less well supported than I'd like it to be. History repeats itself.

Tag, I'm it

Thanks to Arcadia, who tagged me here. Seems like I'm always the last to get around to doing this sort of thing. Hope you're not all bored to death with it by now.

One. Everyone seems to start with this one. I was born in the Mary Font Hospital, Pretoria, on the 1st April 1981 by caesarian section. Yes, and I do get the April Fool thing every year, folks!

Two. Dexter-sinister factoids: I'm left-handed, but use scissors made for right-handed people. I wear one contact lens, in my left eye, to correct short-sightedness. The right eye has perfect vision.

Three. Seeing Depeche Mode in concert at Wembley Arena was the highlight of my year.

Four. In 1989 I fell down part of the waterfall at Klein Kariba. That was the day I broke my left leg (see point two).

Five. Kate Atkinson is my favourite author. I'm dying to read her new novel, One Good Turn, but need to finish my thesis first. It will be my reward once it's all over.

Six. I like going to movies on my own, but definitely feel uncomfortable sitting in restaurants alone. Maybe it's because I don't smoke? What do you do with your hands?

Seven. Christmas makes me melancholy. Easter is a much more guilt-free religious holiday (it's kind of the point of Easter, isn't it?).

Eight. In 1997 I was presented with a HAT by Prof. Elize Botha for being the overall winner of the Afrikaans Expo. The following year, one of my poems was read aloud at the award ceremony by Jannie du Toit. These were proud moments for me.

Nine. I dislike passionless people and zealous extremists in equal measure. But I think I hate bureaucrats most of all.

Ten. I lived in Pietermaritzburg from 1989 to 1993 and have fond memories of biking around the Ferncliffe Nature Reserve and the Sappi plantations.

Eleven. I received a Fulbright scholarship to pursue a PhD in the USA in 2007.

Twelve. I cannot stand gem squash.

Thirteen. I'm a closet fan of romantic comedies.

Fourteen. The longest I managed to stop biting my nails is 4 weeks.

Fifteen. People are always surprised by my athleticism. Sports make me tense because I'm competitive and I hate feeling hot and sweaty; that's why I'm not that active. Not because I can't do it, it's that I don't like to feel tense and bothered.

Sixteen. I'm pro-choice, but think each case has its own merit and needs to go through a commitee review process first.

Seventeen. I tend to switch off when boring people talk to me, then snap back and realize that I have absolutely no idea of what they're on about. Bad habit or sanity preservation strategy? Methinks the latter.

Eighteen. My favourite record is Songs of Faith and Devotion by Depeche Mode, and I've had it for over ten years now. It has this gigantic wall of sound that never ceases to amaze, entertain, intrigue and move me. Each time I listen to it, I discover something new. It's that complex and layered. Like an ogre.

Nineteen. Ten thousand six hundred and forty-five is the amount of words so far completed for a humorous novel I started writing in 2000, but now know I'll probably never finish.

Twenty. I'm an obsessive-compulsive hypochondriac. But a sensible one.

A list of favourites and things

Thanks, Arcadia! You know I simply cannot pass up the opportunity to compile another list!

1.Three best films you’ve recently watched:

• Capote
• Brokeback Mountain
• Walk the Line (who notices that I haven't gone to the cinema much of late?)

2. Three favourite songs at the moment:
I'm quite drawn to pieces with really lush arrangements again; that wall of sound that you can listen to on repeat for hours, picking out new things you've not noticed before. This is one of the reasons why I like Depeche Mode so much. Endless variety, yet all tied together by theme and subject matter.

• John the Revelator by Depeche Mode - so damn powerful and probably not unrelated to the whole Judas Gospel/Da Vinci Code controversy
• Mising Piece by Recoil - the electric violin gets me every time
• My Joy by Depeche Mode - the glory of infatuation turned up until the knob falls off

3. Favourite dessert
My mother makes this yummy malvapoeding which is absolutely fantastic.

4. Your favourite two physical attributes
a) of yourself

• I like my scary green eyes
• I think I've got good legs

b) of a partner

• Good dental health
• Absence of dandruff, skin diseases, viral infections, etc. (a slight limp is okay)

5. The ultimate unforgiveable act in your book is:
Violence and infidelity in a marriage. How do people who are so exactly wrong for one another tend to end up together so often? I'm surprised the divorce rate isn't higher. Don't go back to him, girls! The best prediction of future behaviour is past behaviour. Oh, and persons who commit offences against children must be removed from society.

6. If someone had to dress up as you, what would you give them to wear?
Thumb ring and cuff-strapped Fossil watch are prerequisite attire. I like wearing green, but exactly what kind depends on my mood. I tend to cycle between nerdy pseudo-emo sweater vest outfits with hideous Converse hi-tops and my (probably laughable) attempts at turning myself into the ambient trip-hop DJ of my dreams, i.e. Adidas sneakers and hideous shirts. I don't have good taste, but at least it's my own.

7. Three favourite magazines:

• National Geographic is a good read with stunning photography. And it's not biased in any way, oh no, not at all ;-) .
• Plant Cell, because I want to be published in it one day.
• Die Huisgenoot, because I can read the whole thing in 2 minutes (that's if you skip all the advertorials, gossip, fashion and sob stories nobody could possibly be interested in, boys and girls!).

8. A newly acquired bad habit:
I actually think it's a good habit; I've given my circadian clock free reign. I go to bed at about 22:30 and wake up at about 7:30. Naturally, without an alarm clock (the most hated invention ever). This way, I get my required amount of R.E.M. cycles and also get to drive to the University when all of the morning rush hour traffic has dissipated into little old ladies driving to their knitting circles. It looks like I'm not a morning person, after all. And I get to have the lab all to myself at night (no, I don't do cloning in the nude).

9. Dream house, described in a few sentences:
Aaah. Besides a fantastic tropical garden designed by Made Wijaya himself, there are three things I'd like. A conservatory in the Victorian style, where I'll grow my specialist collection of Andean and New Guinea orchids. A library/study which will house my ever-growing collection of books. You must employ a ladder to reach the topmost tomes. The library will have low lighting and dark wood finishings in the colonial style and also house my collection of archeologial artefacts and ammonite fossils. The rest of the house will be modern and minimalist, open and full of light. I shall make piles of money and purchase extravagantly expensive artworks. The third thing I desire is a completely white, square room to be used as a decompression chamber. This is where the SACD player will be.


10. You take five people to a deserted island.....who are they? (and does each one have a purpose or not?).
Wait, am I also on the island? Or do I get to be the observer in a white lab coat making notes on their behaviour? And then sell it to a television network? Okay, let's see...

1. A doctor (I watch Lost, so I know this is a good idea).
2. Wisened old crone to spout aphorisms Oprah-style.
3. Hilarious (but unlovely) guy for comedic relief.
4. Ratings-grabbing romantic interest for doctor person.
5. Fat kid to eat in case of famine.

The Blog Interview (as told to Karen)

Thanks, karen little, this was pretty difficult! Apparently, the first five persons to comment on Karen's interview get to be interviewed by me. So there you go.

1. Explain your Masters project to us, but pretend we're five year olds. Tell us in a way that makes us want to go home and tell our mothers.
Five year olds, huh? How about I pretend you're fourteen year olds, yeah? Here goes. Aphids are evil insects that damage the food crops we plant across the globe. The Russian Wheat Aphid is an especially nasty plague: it causes yellow streaks to appear all along the leaves of wheat as it sucks the plant juices. New leaves come out all warped and grain filling doesn't take place properly - Fewer loaves of bread per acre, see? Certain kinds of wheat are naturally resistant to aphid pests. Such plants grow in the wild in places like the Caucasus Mountains where the Russian Wheat aphid originally came from. This natural resistance has been transferred into some cultivated wheat varieties through conventional breeding. What happens next? Somehow, the resistant plant can pick up signals that it's under attack and responds drastically. These resistant plants actually kill off their own cells in an area around the aphids, literally cutting off their food supply. Cell suicide for the good of the whole organism. Cell walls in other parts of the plant become thickened with deposits, strengthened against subequent probing by the aphids. Hectic molecules like hydrogen peroxide and other free radicals come spilling out of special vesicles in the cells. Some plants become foul tasting to aphids, others actually do something to the aphids themselves, causing them to have fewer offspring. Others just tolerate the aphids and never die. How does this all work? The answer is that we don't know yet. What I'm trying to discover are the changes in gene expression that natural resistance causes. So far, I can see that several known genes are only turned on in the resistant plants, or are turned on faster in these plants when aphids arrive. Oh, and I've discovered 26 new genes that nobody in the history of the universe has ever even seen before, let alone figured out what they do. My voyage of discovery is just beginning.

2. What's the best night out you've ever had?
The night I saw Depeche Mode at Wembley doesn't count, right? I don't go out that much, and when I do, I don't find it that memorable, really. Bad music, expensive drinks and people all around me doing the mating dance; I find it depressing, frankly. I have quite enjoyed going out with you and Rowan and Wendy, though. Remember when we went to Cranks in Rosebank for my birthday? Oh, wait, something's come to mind. I went to this Bacardi Party at Saints in Rivonia a couple of years ago, which was hugely enjoyable. I remember that I arrived at my friend's house shod in footwear slightly under the dress code and had to borrow shoes from the friend's brother's friend. I think I slipped them back to him through the bedroom window of his apartment at four in the morning, or so. There were several packed dance floors with high quality live music and good ventilation. Quite unlike the murky dives in Hatfield, bleargh.

3. What was your proudest moment?
In my matric year I made a clean sweep of the National Afrikaans Expo, taking gold for poetry, prose and dramaturgy. They invented a new prize just for me, for versatility. At the award ceremony, Jannie du Toit (the one who sings all those Jacques Brel songs) read one of my poems aloud in front of an audience of people from across the country, some of whom were quite high up in Afrikaans literary circles. As soon as I recognized my piece, my heart started beating so fast. I was elated when it was well received. I knew then that I had a command of this one talent and that it was something I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

4. Who is your favourite book-fiction character of all time? And why?
Aargh. There are so many great characters that I love: Aunt Ada Doom from Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons, who saw "something nasty in the woodshed" and wouldn't let anybody leave; Hannibal Lecter from the Thomas Harris trilogy, with his raspy voice, mind palaces and taste in friends; the Discworld's Granny Weatherwax, especially in Witches Abroad, for her wit, unabashed selfishness and surprising wisdom; Francis in The Secret History by Donna Tartt, who made being an eccentric outcast seem like such a wonderfully chic thing to be; Sarah, the narcoleptic in Jonathan Coe's The House Of Sleep whose cataplexy causes hilarious misunderstandings with incredibly serious consequences; Natalie in Fag Hag by Robert Rodi, who'd rather keep her best friend hostage than see him in a happy relationship. But my favourite character is Grady Tripp from Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon. He's an overweight, self-medicating, washed-up loser of a guy. He teaches creative writing at a Pittsburgh college, but the manuscript for his fourth novel is about a million pages long and completely directionless. He's funny and intelligent, but flawed and human. We feel comfortable with him - we're naturally on his side all through his lost weekend with the dead dog and half a boa constrictor in the back of his car, the loss of his manuscript, the uncovering of his indiscretions with the head of the English department's wife and their consequences, his friendship with that oddball student James Leer and his yummy editor Terry Crabtree, and onto salvation. A hugely enjoyable, 3D character.

5. If you could change just one thing, about anything, what would it be?
About me: probably the paunch. But I'm getting there. I feel like I have more energy these days.
About South Africa: I would undo the destruction of our precious ecological heritage. I'd remove all the golf estates and greedy developers who look at virgin forest and go "Hmm, this'll make a nice backdrop to our luxury security village. Let's rip it up!" There are amazing things out there which we've never discovered, never studied, beautiful things we need to conserve so that you can take your children there and show them how awesome this place is. Why do we need another golf course?
About the world: I would undo the population explosion. People should have one child and then be sterilized. I'm serious. For a couple of generations, at least. Overcrowding is where poverty comes from, disease, violence. If I could change one thing, it would be this: I'd give human existence dignity. A life lived with dignity is a life of pride, grace and beauty. Paradise regained.

Art that must enter my brain this year

So January is supposed to be a time for taking stock of your life and to organize your thoughts etc. I tried the whole New Year resolution thing (i.e. to stop swearing and exercise more) only to fail miserably at 9:00 on January 1st when the system at the bookshop kept giving login errors and repeatedly failed to reset. Needless to say, I swore a lot on the first day of 2006. You can only make life altering changes in habit when your head has been sorted out. Waiting for a specific day to do it just indicates that you weren't ready.

I spent these early days of January in a sort of nowhere. Not exactly purgatory, as I did read a couple of interesting things, such as Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk and the Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides. I considered reading The House of God by Samuel Shem, but after karen little's post about the Unreal World, decided on much lighter fare, namely The Easy Way Out by Stephen McCauley. I have chosen two authors to discover during this year. The one is Peter Carey and the other is Armistead Maupin. Initially I picked Rick Moody, but then remembered how much I disliked The Ice Storm.

It's almost award season and once again all the brilliant movies are released simultaneously. Why don't they space them out over the whole year? I know that Golden Globes and Oscars bring hype that money can't buy, but surely these films would take box office from one another by being released within the same couple of months? I guess I'm just annoyed that I'm going to be very broke soon. Here's my list of must-see movies:

• Walk the Line
• Brokeback Mountain
• The Producers
• Transamerica
• Capote
• Memoirs of a Geisha
• The Squid and the Whale
• Match Point

These are all nominated films, and there are lots of smaller things I need to go watch. Ooh, can you feel the electricity?